An Open Letter To That Guy
- By Nick Rhodes
- Published on September 26, 2011
Every Sunday, we’ll feature an article by a columnist on the Headstash staff who will give you a personal take on themes within our scene, including anything from jam bands to electronica acts and environmentalism to drug reform.
These four guys need a little guidance.
Dear Guy Who Hates All The Newer Material,
We get it. You started seeing the band when they were playing 150 person basements and their catalog was 10 songs (now all considered “classics”).
You groan and sigh when STS9 plays “Lo Swaga” or Phish plays “Time Turns Elastic” but of all people you should know that these bands can easily surprise you. You don’t have to love the song, but you don’t have to impede my time by mocking it and everyone who enjoys it.
Music is one of the most powerful things in the world and often evokes vivid imagery. I still can’t pass my middle school bus stop without automatically hearing Limp Bizkit in my head like I used to each day as I walked there clutching my Discman. Who knows why someone likes a song? It could have some intense sentimental value to them.
For you, certain performances and songs may be transcendent experiences, but for others, it’s just a way to unwind and party. And that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
And let’s face it – the worst Phish song trumps the shitty Black Eyed Peas song they’re playing at every other bar in the country.
- Nick Rhodes
Dear Tall Guy Who Always Stands In Front Of Me,
If you can dunk a basketball, you shouldn’t be anywhere near the front 10 rows of a concert. I know it’s not fair, and you tall people have to deal with all kinds of disadvantages (like driving uncomfortably in Volkswagens and finding clothes the fit you) but you can see the show from nearly everywhere.
At least stand on the edge against the wall or something so no one is behind you. More often than not, being tall is a pretty good thing, so take one for the team, ask a short guy to buy you a drink in exchange for standing behind him and enjoy yourself.
But, please do not jump. Don’t ever jump.
- Everyone under 6’ Tall
Dear Ticket Scalper Charging 100 Percent Markup
First of all, you’re the worst. Having a fast Internet connection and getting through the pre-sale first doesn’t entitle you to make hundreds of dollars off the hardcore fans. That’s not capitalism, that’s being an asshole.
Everyone knows that feeling of trying to get a ticket to a show and having to stress out in front of the door haggling with these jerks and trying to scrounge up enough money to still pay rent next month. Stealing money from people just because you lucked out and found tickets just isn’t right.
You guys are just awful. Ticketmaster and Live Nation are already gouging us with fees and nonsense charges, so we should be sticking together as consumers.
- Fans With Dial-Up
Dear Fake Ticket Scalper,
I spoke too soon. You’re actually the worst. At least I can get into the show from the other guys. You guys are just criminals.